dicas e conselhos

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02/10/2017 Carreira, Corporativo, Cotidiano Nenhum comentário

Dicas e conselhos: Eficácia ou Falácia?

Dicas e conselhos podem surgir em duas circunstâncias:

  1. Você está passando por uma situação problema em alguma área de sua vida e procura por ajuda com alguém;
  2. Algumas pessoas percebem, ou pensam que percebem, os problemas pelos quais você, supostamente, está passando e lhe oferecem conselhos. Normalmente iniciados com a frase “se eu fosse você…”

Para saber mais sobre o Que é PNL, acesse este link


Dicas e conselhos não funcionam para a maioria das pessoas porque são rasas ou gratuitas. Rasas no primeiro caso, quando você busca ajuda com alguém que não está preparado para entender sua necessidade. Gratuitas quando são oferecidas sem que você peça. Neste caso, funcionam como uma invasão de privacidade, a pessoa se mete em sua vida e isso pode irritar você.

 

Empresas usam Mentoring e Aconselhamento. Isso não são dicas e conselhos?

Não. Uma das regras para a prática do mentoring e aconselhamento nas organizações é tornar o processo mais efetivo, ou seja, promover mudanças no aconselhado e gerar mais resultados para a empresa.

Para isso o mentor ou conselheiro deve ser qualificado para tal, um coach ou um profissional de PNL, um coach PeNeLista. E mesmo de outras áreas do comportamento.

No caso pessoal, quando alguém pede dicas e conselhos, nem sempre o faz com base na capacidade do conselheiro ou mentor, mas sim para ter com quem falar sobre o problema…

 

Compreendendo suas experiências subjetivas

Para compreender como funcionam ou não funcionam as dicas e conselhos é importante saber duas outras coisas:

Mindset, modelo mental: O conselheiro e o aconselhado possuem modelos mentais diferentes e, via de regra, o conselheiro compreende o problema sobre o seu próprio modelo mental e não no do aconselhado.

Dicas e Conselhos, o método ou a coisa?: Quem dá dicas e conselhos normalmente se foca no que fazer, na coisa, no problema. Mas o aconselhado, normalmente, precisa de um método, do como fazer. Isso o levaria à solução do problema e ao fim das emoções negativas advindas dele.

O problema das dicas e conselhos está no nível de operação do sistema interno, do modelo mental de cada um.O conselheiro está operando no nível de comportamento e o aconselhado no nível de capacidade.

Quando alguém busca por dicas e conselhos, normalmente já sabe o que não deve e o que deveria fazer, portanto, não tem é a capacidade, a habilidade necessária. Por isso, busca ajuda.

Se o conselheiro já passou pela experiência contextual do problema apresentado, normalmente, o resolveu de modo intuitivo. Assim, não dispõe de um passo a passo, que é o que o aconselhado deseja.

Se não passou pelo problema ou algo semelhante, pode estar fazendo inferências sobre o modelo mental do aconselhado, usando o seu próprio modelo mental como referência. Isto é, querendo resolver o seu problema utilizando a mente dele. Não vai funcionar.

Acesse os links no final deste texto e amplie a sua capacidade de resolver problemas.

 

Porque dicas e conselhos não funcional para a maioria das pessoas?

Simples. Nossos comportamentos são forjados sobre nossos valores, nossas crenças e nossa história pessoal. Assim quem pede e quem oferece o conselho possui valores, crenças e história diferentes, portando o conselho se encaixa para o modelo mental do conselheiro, não, necessariamente no do aconselhado.

Por isso a frase “se eu fosse você” é nula por si, ninguém é outra pessoa… (na verdade em outros contextos pode ser, não neste).

 

Os 5 motivos pelos quais dicas e conselhos sempre falham:

  • A percepção do problema é diferente para o conselheiro, pois este é apenas um expectador externo de uma fração do que afeta a vida do aconselhado;
  • O conselheiro não é treinado tecnicamente para ajudar e, mesmo bem-intencionado, faz julgamentos sobre os atos do aconselhado, com base em suas limitações de observador;
  • O aconselhado pode estar emocionalmente abalado e, por isso, não consegue ter uma dimensão clara e realista do problema. Ele vê o problema de dentro do problema;
  • Conselheiro e aconselhado possuem modelos mentais diferentes, crenças e valores e história pessoal distintas e, portanto, capazes de perceber e reagir de modo diferente ao problema;
  • O aconselhado age ou reage mais emocional do que racionalmente. Normalmente, tenta resolver uma questão emocional usando a razão ou contrário, ficar tão afetado emocionalmente por uma questão que perde a condição de analisa-la e resolver racionalmente. Outro ponto de frustração pode estar na expectativa do conselho, ou seja, confirmar uma opinião, ouvir o que gostaria no lugar do que deveria.

 

Como fazer para não cair nas armadilhas das dicas e conselhos?

Procure um conselheiro não pela sua proximidade com você, mas sim pela sua qualificação sobre aquele problema em si;

Seja claro ao narrar a situação, siga um fluxo da história, procure descrever a situação como se estivesse narrando o episódio ao conselheiro, assim ele terá como ampliar a percepção do fato;

Espere uma posição objetiva e não necessariamente aquela posição que você gostaria de ouvir. Reflita e analise o caso como um expectador neutro;

Tenha em mente que para todo problema (que não seja a morte) há uma solução;

Busque mais de uma fonte de referência para o caso e, em última instância, busque ajuda profissional, um Coach PeNeLista é uma das indicações mais objetivas para transformar dicas e conselhos em comportamentos e habilidades capazes de gerar soluções para problemas em todas as áreas da vida.

Se gostou deste artigo o compartilhe com seus amigos e em suas redes sociais. Deixe seu comentário abaixo e sucessos!

Estes links podem ser úteis para que você obtenha mais resultados com ou sem dicas e conselhos:

Boas intenções paternas | Modelos Mentais: Ajuste o seu FocoGestão de Carreira: que modelos adotar?Propósito, como descobrir e obter mais resultados


Curso(s) Relacionado(s) a este tema:


Pós-Graduação Latu Sensu MBA em PNL Coaching, Liderança e Gestão Estratégica – EAD e Semipresencial

MiniCurso de PNL Grátis – PNL Express Online

Conexão – Aprimoramento Pessoal e Profissional – Básico de PNL

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